Demo 2000 Album Cover

Demo 2000 Lyrics and Write-ups

Track List:

1. Looking for Something New?
2. Existential Lullaby
3. Subcultural Identity Crisis
4. There Are Monsters
5. The Plutocrat
6. Progress
7. My Life Inside
8. All Falling Down
9. This Is Your World
10. Teeming Megalopolis
11. Interordinary Time Patrol
12. Anonymous Man
13. Mudboy
14. How It Feels
15. Here Lies a Man
16. Spider Theme 1
17. Spider Theme 2


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Looking for Something New?

1998

Above and beyond anything else, this was a fun song to make. It actually was intended to be a Synthasium song, and there are some bits toward the end that were written recorded by John, not me. The song was my concept, though, and I liked it, so it ended up on my demo. Since it was intended to be an opener, I made it the first song, though it's very non-representative of the rest. It's really erratic and silly, and I played around with different singing voices, some sillier than others.

Lyrics:

We live in fashionable times.
What's the new craze?
We live behind a shield of lies
In a dense haze.

So, I hear you're looking for something new.
The same old thing just won't do anymore.
You're looking for something new.

Are you surrounded by toadies and quacks,
Cretinous creatures who play with the facts?

We think we understand it all.
What do we know?
We live inside a world so small.
How can we grow?

Do you feel restless, like you need release?
Do you feel like you are down on your knees?

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Existential Lullaby

1999

It seems that most people consider this to be the best song I've done to date. I agree, to a point. I think it's one of the best songs I've done lyrically, and I am very pleased with the recording. This song has done very well at GarageBand.com and I've frankly been surprised at the nice reception it has received considering the dark playfulness of the subject matter.

Lyrics:

Ant says to centipede,
“How are the horses?”
“Well, they’re trying to figure out
The point of their menial, seemingly meaningless
Existence,
But other than that, they’re fine.”
“Well the chickens are restless.”
“Are they? What for?”
“They’re afraid someone is coming
To rip of their heads.
They don’t want to die.”

Farmer McDonald
Looks out the window.
The time is arriving.
There’ll be no more waiting.
Animals are scrambling.
Insects are rambling.
Something is wrong on the farm.

“Here comes the farmer!
Time for the slaughter!
He’ll chop us up to
Feed his wife and daughter!
I don’t want to die!”

He’s slicing and slashing.
Blood’s squirting and staining the walls.

“I don’t want to die!”

Now the farmer’s family
Sits down for dinner.
He only hopes there’s
Enough for the winter.
Cold is approaching.
Darkness is growing.
Soon the world will turn harsh.
Soon it will be snowing.

Farmer McDonald looks out the window.
He gives a nervous tug on his graying beard.
A single snowflake lands softly on the windowsill,
Causing one simple phrase to emanate from his lips:

“I don’t want to die.”

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Subcultural Identity Crisis

1999

This is one of my rare songs that was written to be played live. I was in a band at the time, but we broke up before I ever showed it to anyone. The funny thing that happens with this song is that when people start listening to it, they're not sure whether to take the lyrics seriously or not until the final verse.

Lyrics:

I just can’t fit in with this,
Looking like the other kids.
I’m an individual
And I need to rebel.
I got my mowhawk just today,
Started wearing makeup.
Hey now, you can’t tell me what to do.
I’m a rebel, can’t you tell?

Oh no, that was just a phase.
I’ve given up those childish ways.
I’ve been turned on to something new:
The way to do it right.
I’ve started wearing leather pants
And listening to gothic chants.
My skin is pale.
My hair and nails are blacker than the night.

Now I’m perfect, can’t you see?
I’ve found my identity.
I’m unique ‘cause I rebel
Just like everybody else.

What a silly boy was I
Trying to live out that lie.
Now I’ve found out what I am
And I like what I see.
A blue toupee and big red nose,
Suspenders and green panty hose.
Now I’m an individual.
Yeah, no one looks like me.

Now I’m perfect, can’t you see?
I’ve found my identity.
I’m unique ‘cause I rebel
But not like everybody else.

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There Are Monsters

2000

Toward the end, before I went into musical slumber, I began to embrace the electronic nature of my music a bit more. I had previously been affected by the attitude of others that electronic music is somehow a lesser artform than  music played on "real" instruments. This is one of the last full songs I put together for the demo. My wife likes it the best.  This is actually a sort of re-imagining of a forgotten original version I'd written years earlier and not recorded. The original was simpler and less electronic-sounding. Its theme of disillusionment is one I've found in a lot of my work from the years after I left college, which probably isn't surprising.

Lyrics:

So so innocent, just look into those eyes:
A mind so clean, so pure and lean, incapable of lies
Wouldn’t want to see that childish smile disappear
So let’s fill up his little head with happiness and cheer
Santa Claus and Superman will keep you in their care
And when you’re feeling down just know that God is always there
When you grow up you can be whatever you decide
Just ask your mom and dad because you know they’ll never die

I’ve come to tell you what they will not let you know
I’ve come to tell you what goes on behind the show

There are monsters
All around you
There are monsters
Deep inside you

Hey now, it’s a sham, so cover up your ears
If you don’t want to know, don’t want to face your fears
Creatures lurking in the darkness all around
Are waiting to devour you if you should make a sound

The older you become the more they will close in
And if you don’t watch out they’ll make you one of them

There are monsters
All around you
There are monsters
Deep inside you
There are monsters
In the closet
There are monsters
Under your bed
In the cities
In the forests
There are monsters
In public office
There are monsters
There are monsters 

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>The Plutocrat

1999

This is the rarest of rare songs for me: one I actually played live. I played two synths and sang this thing at a party, which was really inappropriate given the grim subject matter. Unfortunately, this version is missing the very important guitar line (for a little bit of an example, here is a clip of the live performance version, not particularly well mixed). Because of that, most people do not like it. It sounds empty. I'm not particularly happy with the vocals on it, and I kind of regret including this on the demo, but I swore I'd put the whole demo up here.

Lyrics:

Stand aside, give me some air
Or maybe I'll just have to tear
A hole right through your delicate flesh
And cast you aside.
If I seem a bit extreme
Remember now that where I live
We have no use for those who cannot
Jump into the fight.

Hush, my child.
Daddy gets paid tomorrow.
Don't go running for the door.
We'll be okay.
There will be food tonight.
Chew slowly and it seems like more.

In this world there is no place
For those who simply take up space
But there is money to be made
On sympathetic minds.
Someone's been struck down today!
With vulture eyes I view my prey.
I see my opportunity.
It's corporate merger time!

Hush, my child.
Daddy will find a new job.
They can't keep a good man down.
We'll be okay.
But we might have to move out
To another part of town.

In this world of beautiful green
Everything has got a price tag
Even love and art and freedom
And all that I've got.
Give them only just enough
That they will stay in line down there
The rest is mine to spend away
On houses, cars, and yachts.

Hush, my child.
Soon this will all be over.
Just hang in there if you can.
All the pigs
Are fattening up.
We will beat them in the end. 

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Progress

1997

There are a few songs I have that I think of as major stepping stones in my growth as a songwriter and recording artist, and this was one of them. It may not sound like much now, but this song was a giant leap forward for me in a few ways. For one, it was really the first song I put together entirely digitally that didn't sound like I had no idea what I was doing at all. For another, it was the first time I ever got my vocals to sound the way I wanted them to sound. The song conveyed a kind of emotional power that had previously been absent from most of my work, and the lyrics dealt with a very deep, difficult issue for me at the time. It was written while I was in the midst of a complete emotional breakdown.

Lyrics:

I am afraid to take a step
Afraid I never can return
I am afraid to cross this bridge
For once behind me it may burn
I don't know any place I'd rather be now
I am content to stay right where I am

How can we make any progress
If we stand here
How can we open up our minds
If we don't move on

I am afraid to face the world
Afraid that I will not fit in
Afraid to look them in the eye
Afraid to let them see within
I don't know any place I'd rather be now
I am content to stay right where I am

How can we make any progress
If we stand here
How can we open up our minds
If we don't move on
Why must we wallow in our fear
Of the unknown
We won't last much longer unless
We learn to progress

I will take the first step
Into these uncharted lands
Follow me if you will
Take your life into your own hands

How can we make any progress
If we stand here
How can we open up our minds
If we don't move on
Why must we wallow in our fear
Of the unknown
We won't last much longer unless
We learn to progress

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My Life Inside

2000

This was a break from my norm of super-complicated songs. A very simple little piano ditty. The melody and lyrics (specifically those of the last verse) came to me all at once, and I just went and recorded it. In retrospect, it could probably use some more sound to fill out the space, but I think it has a nice melody.

Lyrics:

Everyone seems so confused.
I guess they haven't heard the news
That nothing really matters anymore.
It never did.

All the bad things thrown my way
And all the words I've heard them say
Can't phase me. It's amazing,
This euphoria I feel.

I won't let it bother me
That no one out there seems to see
Much value in the little things
That constitute my life.

I refuse to shed a tear
'Cause everything's becoming clear.
Nobody can hurt me anymore.
My day is here.

And if they try, I'll rip their eyes out
With my own two hands.

Hey now, it's okay,
It has to be this way.
I have found my life inside.
I don't need another soul
To help me through. I'm in control
Of everything. I'm wondering
What made me think I did.

I don't have the time to waste
On girls who haven't got the taste
For guys like me, who maybe try
Too hard to be too nice.

Let them chase those jerks in muscle shirts
Who beat them up.

Hey now, it's okay,
It has to be this way.
I have found my life inside.

I have to convince myself that everything's all right now.
I have to convince myself that everything is fine.
I have to convince myself that I'm a happy person.
I have to convince myself that everything's okay.

Who needs this world anyway?
I've got my own inside.

Hey now, it's okay,
It has to be this way.
I have found my life inside.

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All Falling Down

1999

Another song written for live playing. Another song about disillusionment. Not my best work, but I kinda like it. I always think of it as a tandem with Subcultural Identity Crisis. They were written at about the same time and in a similar way.

Lyrics:

I once saw you
For all your greatness
I wanted nothing
More than to be you
To follow in your
Colossal footsteps
To one day meet you
And tell you how much you meant
But then one day
You turned your back and you
Just walked away
Even the mighty fall down

See your heroes
They are all falling down
Turning human
Once the light shines on them
Masters, teachers,
They are all falling down
All that you know
Everything is falling down

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This Is Your World

1998

This is my favorite of my own songs, but I've never been able to get a really good recording of it. I can't seem to get a good mix of instruments. In this version, the chime sound is way too loud in the beginning.  One day I'll have another crack at this.

Lyrics:

Play now, children
While you still can.
Soon you'll have to go
Out into a
Hostile playpen,
Fiercer than you know.

Those who stop to smell the roses
Will be left behind in the dark,
To be eaten by the wolves of progress.
While those who stand in righteous poses
Are elected gods of the world.

Don't trust the government.
They don't care.
Don't trust your neighbors.
They steal your air.
No one's going to look out for you.

This is your world,
Land of your father's pride.
A simple touch surely would assure us
We are alive.

Gray haired creatures
In the bleachers
Watch you play your games,
Quietly manipulating.
No one knows their names.

Those who choose to fight this system
Will be called obscene and insane
And locked up far away.
That's progress.
While those who play the helpless victim
Are awarded honors and praise.

This is your world,
Land of your father's pride.
A simple touch surely would assure us
We are alive.

We are alive.

I'll be gone now.

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Teeming Megalopolis

1998

I was attempting to capture the hectic, constantly shifting bustle of city living in the music of this song, and I think it worked.  This is one of my more erratic-sounding songs, but I think it does its subject matter justice. Unfortunately it can never really be redone without some painstaking work, as the MIDI files I used were accidentally deleted when I was transferring data from one hard drive to another.

Lyrics:

Deep in the city
A man looks to the stars
But sees only blackened human waste
The teeming megalopolis
Grows outward every day
Consuming everything in its path

Skyscrapers reaching impossibly high
Poison the clouds as they pass through the sky
He just looks on for he's used to it all
But he's dreaming

And the man who runs it all
From his seat in City Hall
Cannot see he's running out of time time time
And the flock who put him there
Thinking he was good and fair
Did not see that he was really slime slime slime

All the worker ants shuffle off to work now

I tried to get off one stop back
But the train was just too packed
I'm going to miss a big appointment
If I don't get myself on track

The sidewalks are lined
With forty foot signs
Blinking and rotating
And reflecting in our eyes
It's hard to stay focused
When all the world around
Is littered with light and smoke and sound

Millions of people cross paths everyday
Exchanging glances and turning away
Never to find out the point of it all
What's the meaning?
How can we do this day in and day out
Without ever questioning what it's about
Mindlessly pulled by our leashes and chains
Are we dreaming?
What's the meaning?

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Interordinary Time Patrol

1997

My friend John did some mixing on this and played guitar. Since he's a natrually skilled paroducer who pays attention to detail better than I do, that makes this my best-mixed track. It's a pretty trippy song. I'd rather not attempt to explain the lyrics, which are obviously pretty surreal.

Lyrics:

He's a broken promise
He's an outright lie
He's collecting needles
And sticking them in his eye
He's a broken record
He's a phony line
He's a bit like everyone
He's searching for a sign

We've got him in our sights
He'll never get away

He does not belong here
He was molded from the clay
Interordinary Time Patrol
Is on its way

He's a fallen angel
He's an open sore
He can run away from it
But he'll be back for more
He's an undead fetus
He's a nightmare child
One day he may have to face
The world that he's defiled

He does not belong here
He was taken from his day
Interordinary Time Patrol
is on its way
No one's ever seen them
But we know what they're about
Quickly and efficiently
They take offenders out

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Anonymous Man

1997

This is one of my "experimental" tracks. Most of the sound in it is actually my voice, put through lots of effects, although I did mix in some other stuff to fill space.

Lyrics:

Inside of you
Is a piece of me.
I will bring it out.
It will make you strong.
And here I sit and watch
Forever and ever.

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Mudboy

1999

I won't bother trying to print the rambling speech I give on this track. The backing sound - I hesitate to call it music - is actually a very old cassette tape recording of my playing my old Casio keyboard through a distortion pedal.  Really abrasive stuff. So what better to layer on top of it than a funny little story about a guy who likes to complain about the problems he brings on himself?

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How It Feels

1997

This is not really the full version of this track. It is missing all the vocals from the verses. At the time, I preferred it this way because I'd done a sub-par performance on the other parts. I recently listened to an old cassette mixdown of the full version and I'm disagreeing with my old self now. Anyway, the lyrics represent what is in this recording, which is not the whole story.

Lyrics:

Remember how it feels
To walk upon the Earth
A passive victim's life, just like the others.

Remember how it feels
To look at life that way,
To view these lies as real.
You may go back someday.

I remember how it feels
To look at life that way,
To view these lies as real,
To see a world so gray.
I know how it feels
To be a slave to fate,
To speak with empty words,
Ruled by love and hate.
I know how it feels,
But now I've broken free
To see life as it is.
There's no return for me.

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Here Lies a Man

1999

I had just read the really excellent, awesome Hyperion series of books by Dan Simmons and absolutely loved it when I read John Keats' epitaph, which I used as the first line of the song. Now, I really don't know why I am putting this here. It is a terrible vocal performance on my part. I mean, I'm no great singer by any means, but there are some pretty sour notes in this. Perhaps I'll make a good version of it one day, but this is not it. Listen if you dare.

Lyrics:

Here lies a man
Whose name was writ in water,
Whose house was built on sand.
Here lies a man
Who had nothing to offer,
No money and no land..

He died with his mind
On a childhood promise
To someone he'd lost long ago.

Time will take this life away,
So take my hand and we'll get away.
Just hold onto me.

Here lies a man
Whose life shall be forgotten,
A cog in some machine.
Here lies a man
Who never had the chance
To share what he had seen.

He died with his eyes
Gazing out the window
To a place he knew he'd never go.

We can have the world today,
Before time takes this life away.
Just hold onto me.

We don't have to be afraid.
We can have the world today,
Before time takes this life away.
Just hold onto me.

I will ease your fears today.
I will take you far away.
Just hold on. Just hold onto me.

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The Spider Themes

1999

For many years, I spoke of writing a very long song I would refer to as "The Spider Song". It's a song about a kid who befriends spiders, who compel him to kill and drain the blood out of people. Very cute and cuddly. Anyway, before I worked on the song itself, I worked on these pieces, which were meant to be background music for an imaginary film about this story.

I did eventually get to writing the song, back around 1999. Unfortunately, it is either lost or in digital limbo. I saved it, stupidly, on a Jaz disk , and now I can't get them off. I'm not sure if the portable drive I have is broken or the disk is broken or erased or what. I just know I can't get it. Hopefully I will recover it one day and resume work, because I was really onto something good with that song.

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